In the early days of a relationship when everything is perfect, it can feel like you give everything you have to your partner. You truly allow yourself to be vulnerable and put your heart into their hands, just hoping and praying that they won’t break it. This ‘honeymoon period’ can last anywhere from six months to a year, where everything feels very exciting and new, and you’re very aware of your partner’s feelings. Eventually we progress to a more settled and deeper love, however some problems can come with this. We may start to take our partner for granted, or do things that aren’t in their best interests. This can be from selfishness or just carelessness on our part. One thing than often happens is we push each other’s boundaries which can lead to resentment and feeling disrespected.
It’s not always in a huge way, it doesn’t always mean things like domestic violence or any other kind of abuse. It can be small things that gradually wear you down, and in time have you searching for the number of a divorce lawyer. If you want to give your relationship a fighting chance, you need to respect each other’s boundaries. Here’s what you need to know.
The first step to respecting each other’s boundaries is to communicate what these are. In many cases, these things will only come to light once the mark has been over stepped- so early on in the relationship it’s about getting to know each other. Work out what you both find acceptable and if something happens that you’re not happy about be sure to have a chat about it. For example, you might think it’s fine to go and meet an old flame from your past for a drink, because know that there’s nothing more to it. But this could be something that your partner thinks is unacceptable in a relationship. Even if they trust you completely, it’s something that could be seen as hurtful, and overstep the boundaries of what they find acceptable in a relationship.
Relationships are all about give and take. Being flexible and reaching a compromise that works for the both of you is always the best result. Take the example of you wanting to meet an old flame for a drink, how about arranging a double date with their partner and yours? This way nothing feels secretive and you still get to catch up on old times. Compromise will sometimes mean you having to accept things that they don't like (even if it feels silly to you) and them having to do the same for you.
Know When it’s Not Working
Sometimes two people are just too different. If you both have views and boundaries that don’t match up, you will be constantly hurting each other’s feelings with neither of you even feeling like you’ve done anything wrong. If for example one of you is very jealous and insecure, just about anything that the other does could be construed as overstepping boundaries when really you’ve done nothing wrong. Sometimes we have to accept each other quirks and views even though they don’t align with our own views. But if it’s constantly a case of you feeling as though you’ve done something wrong they are controlling your life, then it’s time to walk away.