storm in my mind, struggle on my fingertips

I want to write down all the million hundred thoughts that are swirling through my mind right now. Some are beautiful, some are shallow, some are smart and some are awful, and then there's a click. A click that just shuts my mind when I try to start to write them down. I really do believe that some of them are worthy to be shared with, some not. So I carefully select the ones that I want to let out in words. And then I end up browsing random old photos, changing the song for the 5th time and feeling like I'm in a hurry and stuck in one place at the same time. I wonder if someone else also feels this way sometimes. 

Like now, I just looked through my last 100 Facebook photos, what a sociopath. 

Writing itself is actually such an intimate thing, to share what one has created is hard. I remember watching some interviews with Florence Welch, from Florence & the Machine, where she said, and I don't quote because it was such a long time ago and false quotations are the worst thing someone could do, that releasing her second album "Ceremonials" was scary. Scary! A musical genius with a voice to kill for was afraid to let the world hear her and blow everybody's minds. She post-poned the release date because it didn't feel ready or right and I absolutely get that. For us it is another masterpiece from her and her band, a truly unique music, honey for our ears. For her it's her work, her insides are layed out in the open for the whole world to hear. Not all people are so brave to share their minds and hearts with others. For some of us it's even hard to open up to our friends, families or lovers. Imagine sharing your piece of mind with the w h o l e  world. Or at least with the people who are interested in reading/hearing/seeing what you've worked on.
Some artists just pop out one record after another, some writers do the same with books. I don't mean that that way they're no good, but I believe more in the music that you have to wait for and the books that you can't wait for. The wait makes it a hundred times better and it's even more wonderful if the thing that you're either hearing or reading or watching is already a piece of art, the whole time spent waiting on an album or a book becomes justified even and you know that the wait was worth it. You feel relieved and happy.

In school I've never had even one minute of struggle when I had to write an essay. But that was so easy actually, you are given an argument, an idea and you just have to elaborate it with your own experiences, thoughts and critique. Writing on your own, finding your own inspiration and where to start from isnt' that easy as a 60-minute essay. 

I'm just hoping for that click to never visit me again, because I have so much I want to express through words. 

(photo source: pinterest)


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