it is what it is

Wow. Two years since my last, decent blog post. 

For various reasons I stopped, just like for various reasons I started.
Now, life got so wild. I do not even know where and how to start again. Past few years have been so hard. Of course, nothing to compare with the pains of our world. But as an empath towards our planet  and the less fortunate, I cannot help but let my heart ache for all the injustice, loss, mourning that so many of you are going through. And to see our world hurting, it seemed so selfish to hurt on my own, about my own pain, loss, misunderstandings, prejudices, troubles, anything really. 
But some things I have kept away and silent for way too long. And in order not to explode and break down, I reopened this page, and through tears, I try to start again. Let it all out, without any fucking filter. Without the thoughts in the back of my head that what I write is useless, that my thoughts and opinions are useless to share with others (my closest people excluded, I do vent to them daily and that has also brought a toll on them). 
We all have a voice and we all should use it for, let's say it, a greater cause. For what we believe in, what we stand for, what we do not accept in this world and most importantly, to communicate how we can be better, be the change, rise above all the shit we are going through. 
In the next weeks I hope to gather enough strength to tackle some topics that have been on my mind for years. Writing is a sort of therapy for me, so I have in mind typing down here everything that has bothered me, made me rethink my own values, made me better or worse, just made me do some reworking in my own head. Something that so many of us don't pay attention to, our own thoughts, values and morale. We are in charge of what happens in our head and we are also the only ones who can control it, help it, change it. Ask yourself why are you prioritising some things rather than others. Call out yourself on your own bullshit. No one can help if you don't want it. So start there.
For the past few years I've been doing a lot of this. Taking it all in, all the things running in my head, trying to analyse why and how. But overanalysing also isn't helpful. At some points I thought I was on the brink, on the edge of a breakdown. I knew I had to seek out some professional help. But I decided to start from myself, to try to do this on my own. Accepting the things I couldn't change, taking on new challenges, making some drastic changes.

But before I start just writing this all without a structure, I will stop here for now. I've written down some points I want to write about. Everything from my own experience. And of course, the comment section will be open because I want also you, who is reading, to feel free to share your story, your comments, your thoughts and critique. I have never and will never discriminate anyone for their beliefs, their values, their problems. Unless you're a Trump supporter.

If you're interested in my next posts, I will be covering my thoughts and experiences regarding pain, loss, grief, racism, body shaming, mental health, church and religion. I am completely aware I'm a privileged white person, but if we start categorising again we are not better than those who hurt us. And that doesn't mean I don't see the injustice in the world, the pain, the wrong-doings, the hurt, the lost, the unheard, the forgotten. We are all in the same boat called Planet Earth. And it's about fucking time we hear each other out on any topic that obstacles our lives. Share, connect, feel, accept, whatever you do with what you hold is on you. But before any action ask yourself, is this really just what it is? Or can we do better?
Until next post.
Stay safe.

Love,
Ieva

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